I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
