I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
