You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
