I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
