Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
