Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
