You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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