I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
