playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
