then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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