my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
