at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
