I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
