If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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