You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
