I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
