Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
