Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
