he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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