9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
