I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
