allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
