we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
