WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
