So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
