The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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