i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
