Well apparently he's into motor boating.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
