dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
