You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
