I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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