have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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