Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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