he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
