dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
