I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry about my life...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
