That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh god the rape fog is back!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
