Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize