He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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