Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
