I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
