My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
