How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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