Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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