What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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