I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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