So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
