I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
