i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
