His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
