Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
