I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
