She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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