Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
