I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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