I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
