No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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