someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
