so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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