He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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