there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
