I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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