last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
