I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
