Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
