My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
