There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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