We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
