I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
