I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
