I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize