There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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