I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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