if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
