You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
