Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
